Thoughts

2008-11-13T09:14:55Z

I’ve been at this thing called life for 26+ years, but I don’t feel like I really made much decisions (good/bad) that really affect me now. I feel like once I got married at 21 that the decisions really counted, all the ones before weren’t as big of a deal any more, they seemed trivial! I left my old life to get married in the hopes that it would fix me. Rid me of loneliness, boost my self esteem. It has taken some time but those things don’t affect me quite as much, but I think it’s because I’ve been thrust in to the real world and was forced to grow up practically on the way home from my wedding! I was trying to leave behind the promise of a lower class life, I was fleeing a crappy town with nothing to offer. I love where we are now. God pushed me here, because originally I couldn’t see myself leaving my family, leaving my church, leaving comfort. He brought me here kicking and I’m all the greater for it. I have such mixed feelings for where I come from. I hated it while I was there, but it was home, familiar and in some weird way I wanted it to stay the same. Change used to scare the crap out of me, but I can deal with it so much better now. I’m not really sure if where we are now is truly any better but it is where God had for us which makes it home for us. I do know God isn’t finished with us, we are not going to live here for the rest of our lives and do the same things every day. Change is on the way and I’m excited to see where He takes us next!

Solitary Refinement Discussion Forum

Thoughts