Solitary Refinement Discussion Forum

I’m Starving! Not enough Soul-Food!

2010-06-28T21:52:56-05:00

Day 1 for me....Big Shocker. I couldn’t really come up with answers to those questions. I really don’t read many books as I work 6 days a week, have two small children & many idle hobbies I delve into when I can’t sleep at night. I go to church & sing in the choir on Sunday mornings before I have to bee-line it into work. I try not to miss choir practice and always try to lend a helping hand to others in need. I don’t have time for TV and I love to sing in the car. I work out 5 days per week and eat very clean..physically. Life’s busy but it’s ok. Or is it? Why couldn’t I answer question #1 then. Is anyone or anything really influencing me negatively? Guess not...so that must mean that I am my own worst enemy. I am a negative influence on myself. I do not pass blame on anybody or anything else but myself. Thus the big shocker. So “Who am I allowing to influence my thoughts?”. Myself. Now that’s pitiful. I am a Christian but I am human. Why in the world would I not the power of the Divine have more influence over me than my own stupid self. Questions #2 & #3 are relative to #1 so they were shot also. Now for question #4. How much of what I do take in (of whatever is on the Menu for the week) is nutritious for me? I feel like somebody filling out a Weight Watchers Questionnaire. Yes I know what got me into this prediciment but I don’t want to fess up because then I’d have to give up my vices. I have enough nutrition to blow on fumes I guess. I spend more time worrying about how nutritious my next meal is for my body and not worrying enough about the nutrition of the next meal for my soul. I don’t feed my soul 3 meals per day. If I physically ate like I soulfully ate, I’d be a bag of bones right about now. Now if that doesn’t shock you into next week nothing will. Except for...who am I influencing? Wow. That’s enough to make me cry. I would never intentionally hurt anyone, it’s the subconscious influence that is passed like the flu germ...silently. I feel totally oblivious at this point. I worked for a man once that said “If you have a complaint you’d better have a solution”. I do have a complaint now. I’m starving my own soul and therefore inflicting malnutrition on those around me. My solution to this complaint is to start feeding my soul every time I feed my mouth. When I sit down to a meal, I need to bring a good book with me and eat with my mouth and eyes at the same time. That should then fix the flu bug epidemic as well. I will hopefully be infectious in a “Better” way!

Brutally Honest

2010-06-28T22:25:03-05:00

Day #2 is much easier to “swallow” than day #1’s analysis. I always try to be brutally honest but in a nice and educational way. I don’t have a problem with sugar-coating anything either. My children have to eat their green stuff cause green means go. Too many taters make them tired. I can always find a tactful way of telling the truth in a sticky situation and God grants me the grace to hold my tongue when I need to. Day #2 is easy? Nope...again my biggest issue with the truth comes from myself...with myself. Why is it I can deal with others so eloquently but am constantly rising to the top of my own enemy list. Jeez, this is definately not what I was expecting from this book but WOW! My self-analysis of the truth is that I may hide the truth from myself and others and live what is not the truth...meaning a LIE! Now how’s that for Sugar-coating the Peas? And just to think...I did it to myself again. I don’t verbally tell a lie...but I hide the truth so that I may hang onto my vices. Funny at how the truth is what I want it to be...& who’s to argue with me? My conscious eventually I presume. The name “solitary refinement” is a message unto itself. I sure don’t need any more people or things to add to the pile of corrections, I am plenty enough for at least 20 people to one cell at this point.

warning warning warning

2010-02-01T20:53:16-05:00

I like the contrast between the warning signs and caution signs. For a while now it has been difficult for me to judge what t he difference was between warnings and caution. This really helped me to understnad it better and to make more sense of the cross roads when I face them. I like to ask people for advice, especially people that are older than I am and have more experience and wosdom than I do. That really helps me to sort out my life’s goals and decisions.

Redemption

2010-01-28T11:01:48-05:00

I will tell you what! The Lord has really been reminding me of all that I ahve been redeemed of over the last few days.I am so thankful that the Lord I serve really has so much power to redeem those whom he loves from the pit that we jump into so quickly with our lives. When I first became a Christian I had so much sin to walk out of and the Lord really freed me from a lot. Now I look back and see how far I have come and how much He has given me in the process, I am simply blown away and utterly amazed by it all. I just love how He loves me and will continually pursue me as I am pursuing him. Psalm 71:20
20 Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
you will again bring me up.
I know that all of the things I lived through led me into a life of rebellion later on and the Lord allowed those things to pass through His hands, not because He was not watching and not because He does not love me relentlessly, but because it has made me stronger and better and because there is evil in the world and sometimes we fall victim to it. We should be focusing on the redemption of our king as opposed to the regrets in our lives, God can handle the regrets. We do not need to worry about it all.

Pass/Fail!

2010-01-14T14:55:04-05:00

The days of this book are so timely in my life right now! Praise God, and thank you Chris for writing this book, I cannot wait to share it with my future clients. I am in graduate school and last semester was my first semester at the school. I got good grades, well I got excellent grades, but I was not really learning that much. Thtough my endless hours of reading and studying book after book and scholarly article after scholarly article, I had failed to maintain and really learn the material I was supposed to be learning. I felt very down on myself for that the entire winter break. I kept asking myslef “What is wrong with you? Why are you not saturating yourself in this information? You love what you are studying, Get with the program!” Today I learned that I simply need to take my time with the material. I need to have my computer ready to look up something on the internet when I do not fully understnad it.I need to give my paddion time to develop.
I had to stop patronizing myself and just learn from what I was doing. I consider this to be a recent success in my life, one that came from a failure that I had focused too much energy on. I would not have recognized it as such had I not read this book!
Awesome!

Struggles

2010-01-11T22:37:29-05:00

weel, I definately struggle with complacency, but also self pitty to a degree. Before I became a Christian, I pittied myself greatly. and I did, as was written, fall into many addictions. I alsways thought that it was a way to escape from my current situation. A way to keep my mind off of everything that was happening. It did not do that though. In the back of my mind, I was jsutifying everything that I was doing thorugh the undesired circumstances of my childhood and adolecent years. Not a good rut to be in. Now I have strived to achieve many goals. But I still only put forth half of my efforts. I blame this on undesired circumstances as well. I have to stop passing the buck the pick it up and put forth my 100% effort. That is the only wya to please God and to be a good steward of the gifts He has given to me.

This is very challenging and something htat I need to pray through for a while. He has been soeakign to me a lot recently about taking responsibility.

Wisdom

2010-01-11T22:18:11-05:00

I really like how CDC points out that we can walk backwards. We can looka t how our situation could be worse. What sort of decisions can we make that would make our circumstances worst than what they are? And then walking backwards. that brings light to the fact that the situation can be worse and it brrings light to the darkness that could occur. And when the darkness is brought to light, the good decisons seem to shine brighter. The light becomes bigger. I was very encouraged by that! Wisodm does come from age and I must say that at age 25, I do not have the slightest clue as to what is going on in the world. But most of the time I think that I do. I appreciate being in situations that humble me.

Admiting you have a problem

2010-01-06T16:52:58-05:00

I think that the biggest problem is admitting that you have a problem that needs to be dealt with. Because you can’t solve a problem if you don’t acknowledge it exists. I believe that is why Christianity is hard for people to accept, because it challenges the individual to ask hard questions about yourself and your life. It’s so much easier to tell yourself that the junk food is good for you than to go on a diet. I believe that the analysis that we are all putting on a show for the world is correct. I think people behave differently and try to be a different person around different people. I know in social situations and with people at work I had a different personality than I did at home with my family and my friends. I would use vulgar language and talk about inappropriate things that I do not believe Christ would think is healthy. Then with my family I also tried to be what they wanted me to be. I think this has hampered my ability to grow as a Christian and to discover who I really am as a Christian and a person.

He Holds Me Togather

2010-01-06T09:36:08-05:00

Yes, there are times I feel like my life is falling apart. I’m not going to go into too much detail, but I have been robbed of so much by many people I trusted. The pain comes into place when I admit to myself that I am still allowing them to rob me. I would like to believe I have moved on, but a lot of my thoughts and actions about myself are the outcome of what others have done. I am that child who constantly picks at a sore and wonders why it isn’t healing.

I’m afraid of losing everything that I’ve worked for. I’ve built my career, bought a home, and established a life for myself based on the dream of being a powerful speaker. My doubts are, “Can I really do this?” In a world like ours, can I really use my disability and the adversity I have overcome to motivate someone else to live a triumphant life? Will this world that thrives on perfection ever see weakness as power? Will I ever really get a chance to shine or will the cloud of my wheelchair forever block me?

Now, some people will say, “You are a Christian and you should not have that fear.” But, the fact is, I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I have sinned just like the next person. Even though God forgives, He never said that there wouldn’t be consequences. I spent a lot of time conforming to my environment and compromising my beliefs. Who’s to say that my life falling apart would not be a result of the seeds I’ve sown? This is why I am so thankful for God’s grace, mercy, love, and kindness.

Weariness

2010-01-11T19:10:05-05:00

Sometimes I allow my weariness of this world and my longing to be in a perfect heaven with a holy God to turn into laziness, complacency and self-pity. I feel offended when I have to spend my time doing something other than what I want to do, and I get annoyed when I have to deal with stupid situations instead of spending time doing something worthwhile. This chapter was a good reminder that I need to be careful to not let my desire for heaven keep me from doing what God wants me to do while I am here on earth. I need to live with an eternal perspective, but that doesn’t mean I can check out of this world.