For the majority of my life, my response to my disability was disconfirming. I grew up thinking my disability made me less than the next person, partly because of soci-ety. Society was an infectious disease that caused me to vomit on myself time and time again. I am learning that it’s very important to separate fact from opinion when defining who you are based on someone else’s definition. I heard far too often, “You’re handicapped, you can’t do that, you shouldn’t do that.” I now live with an Internal-Ego-Conflict.  What I believe about myself contradicts the opinions of oth-ers. As a result my self-esteem and perspective are seriously damaged.

My mental digestive system got so accustomed to digesting junk that I rejected any nutritious substance someone may have tried to put into my mind. I rejected a lot of things that were good for me because I did not believe I deserved them. Certain people’s opinion of me really affects my thoughts.  A lot of these people have turned out to be negative-minded.

My perspective was my GPS that led me to believe I was an inconvenience to my family and friends. I labeled myself as a problem for everyone. Hearing things like, “You take him… Because it is raining, he should not go… Start putting him in the car…. It is your turn to dress or feed him… Get him out of the way,” makes me think people see me as a nuisance. Now I am realizing that my family and friends are often doing what may be best for me.  It wasn’t that I was an inconvenience. They did not want to inconvenience me.  My family and friends at that time simply wanted to make sure they kept me in an environment that was accessible for my situation.

Over the last ten years, I have been diligently working on flushing out and cleaning my mind of all the negativity. Sometimes it feels like I am trying to be who I am not, even though everything in me says, “This is who you are.” My belief in the Bible has been the key for me to begin putting those negative thoughts aside.  I’ve come to believe that every word of the Bible is truly accurate, and I am grateful that many characters in the Bible are in situations similar to mine.  Yet they are still able to use their lives to glorify God.

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